Lies
by fervently
Summary: All she ever wanted was him. Yet what he wanted was so much more than she could offer. Rated M for language.


A Kim and Jared one shot. Angsty because apparently that's all I can write. Characters are all human, so there's no imprint. Enjoy!

~.~

 _ **I know I'm not your only, but at least I'm one**_

 _ **I heard a little love, is better than none.**_

* * *

Kim sat in the courtyard, her eyes trained on an object in the distance. She could feel him approaching, but refused to acknowledge his presence. He came up from behind, arms wrapping themselves around her waist as he nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck. He began to plant kisses up and down her neck, tracing her jawline, and she clenched her eyes shut as she willed her body to not give in to temptation.

She was fighting a losing battle, and as always, submitted to him, throwing her head back to grant him more access to her neck. Pulling back, she turned and wrapped her arms around his middle and buried her face in his chest. His arms tightened around her as he dropped a kiss on the top of her head. As she inhaled, she caught a whiff of _her_ scent, and Kim's body tensed for a fraction of a second.

She stepped out of his embrace and tried to ignore the feeling in her stomach that came whenever he looked at her like _that_. "Kim?" he asked. "What's up baby?" Shaking her head, she wrapped her arms around him once more before planting a kiss on his chest.

"I'm just being silly. I'm fine," she paused, weighing her next words. "We're fine."

~.~

When Jared and Kim made their way over to Emily's house, Kim immediately noticed Emily's standoffish attitude towards Jared. Emily wasn't known for being outright rude, but her tone made it clear that she was upset with Jared. Kim and Emily had been friends since the moment Jared had introduced them, and Emily was one of the kindest souls Kim had ever encountered.

As Kim excused herself to use the restroom, she heard Emily sigh and turn to Jared. "You're going to lose her. Keep living like this, and one day she's going to realize that she deserves so much more than whatever you're giving her."

Kim didn't stick around long enough to hear Jared's response. A part of her knew Emily was right. She deserved better. She deserved someone who was equally as devoted to her as she was to him. She deserved someone who she could be honest about her feelings with. She deserved someone to have eyes for her, and only for her. Yet, whenever Jared wanted to, he could be that person. He made her feel so alive, so pretty, and so wanted.

It made her feel ashamed to know that Emily knew of Jared's straying attentions. She knew Emily would never say anything to her, but it wasn't like Kim hadn't tried walking away. Jared could make her feel like she was all that mattered and the next moment make her feel like she was nothing but gum stuck to his shoe. Each time Kim tried to walk away, he would turn his charm on, tell her that he loved her and that he would try harder to be better for her, and she forgave him because having a piece of him was better than not having him at all.

~.~

A few weeks later, Kim found herself at Jacob Black's house, sitting across from Leah Clearwater. Leah had returned to the reservation a year ago and had been seeing Jacob for a few months now, the happiness in their relationship evident to everyone who saw them.

Kim envied her for that. As she watched the interactions between Jacob and Leah, she realized how much she longed for something like that. Her heart twisted in agony every time she saw them together and witnessed how in tune Jacob was into Leah's emotions and how well he responded to them. With Jared, it was like he was completely oblivious to her emotions and she never admitted how she felt, so she just ended up upset and tired all of the time.

Leah stretched her hand over Kim's, shaking her out of her thoughts. "Kim," she began. "I'm probably the last person you want to hear this from, especially after Jared and I- you know. I never knew the two of you were together." She was frantic, "I hadn't seen him in a while, and he never mentioned you, so I assumed he was single and we just- I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for what happened. I swear I didn't know."

Kim slipped her hand out from under Leah's and wrapped her arms around herself, eyes trained on the counter in front of her. She took a deep breath before looking Leah in the eye. "I don't blame you. I know he didn't tell you about me." She paused, closing her eyes to keep her tears at bay. "I'm not angry with you."

"You know it doesn't have to be like this right? Kim, I don't think you see yourself clearly." Leah began, her eyes softening as she locked eyes with Kim. "He doesn't deserve you. God knows why you've stuck around this long, but you deserve so much better than that bastard."

Kim shook her head. "No one understands. It's not so easy to walk away, not when you've already been through so much. Is it really worth it to throw it all away for a couple of mistakes?"

"No. Making a mistake is sleeping in and missing a date. What Jared is doing to you is not a mistake. He's aware of what he's doing and he's going to keep doing it because he knows that you will continue to forgive him." Leah's hand shot up as Kim began to protest. "I know Jared is your first love and it feels like he's going to be the only one who will ever understand you and love you. I promise you it's not like that. When my first love broke up with me, I thought my world was going to end. I loved him more than I had ever loved anyone or anything and he made me feel things no one had ever been able to make me feel." She paused, this time taking Kim's hands in hers again. "I thought I could never find someone as good as him. I never imagined I would be able to love or to be loved the way I loved him. I was right about that part." Her eyes brightened as she gazed at Kim. "The way I feel for Jake, it's beyond anything that I could have imagined. You'll be able to find something like that too Kim, but you just have to put yourself first."

Kim shook her head but Leah cut her off again. "I'm not telling you to make a decision now, I'm telling you to think about it. To really think about how happy you are in your relationship. Are the two seconds of bliss that you feel really worth all of the pain you have to face?"

~.~

The final straw came on their two year anniversary. Kim knew that they didn't have the most perfect relationship, but she loved him and despite his actions, she was positive that Jared loved her too. She had packed a picnic for the two of them to have some time to themselves, far away from the judgmental eyes of the townspeople.

She hadn't had the chance to have Jared all to herself in a long time, and was hoping he was home so that everything would go according to her plans. She couldn't stop the smile that broke out on her face when she saw that his car was parked in front of his house. Letting herself in, she made her way up the stairs and to his room.

"Hey Jared! I-" the words died in the middle of her throat at the sight in front of her. Her eyes blurred, one of her hands flew over her heart while the other flew to her mouth, and she turned and left without another word.

Kim wasn't stupid. She had known for a while that things wouldn't change. That Jared would never be just hers. Yet a tiny part of her had hoped that her love would eventually tame him, and that he would return her feelings in the future. As she threw herself in her car, she frantically pulled out of Jared's driveway as she saw him trying to make his way down his front porch.

She drove with no destination in mind. When she was satisfied that she had gone far enough, she pulled over and began to cry. She cried for herself and for all she had put herself through. She cried because the small part of her that believed Jared would change died. She cried because Leah and Emily were right. Mostly, she cried because she loved Jared and he didn't love her enough to realize what he was doing to her.

It took a couple of hours before Kim was able to pull herself back together enough to drive to La Push. Instead of going home, she found herself in front of the Clearwater home. Before she could even properly get out of the car, she felt a pair of arms engulf her and whisper "I'm so sorry Kim."

That was all it took before Kim burst into tears again. She knew Leah wouldn't judge her, Leah wouldn't throw out an "I told you so." As Leah guided her inside, Kim blubbered the events of the day, and the only indication of Leah's response to Jared's actions was the tightening of her fist.

"You were right," Kim sniffled. "He's not going to change. I'm done, I tried my hardest to be worthy of his love. I've realized that there's nothing I can do that will make him love me the way I love him. I let him do whatever he wanted because I believed that he did love me. He didn't even know what today was, we've been "together" for two years and he was balls deep in some other girl. I gave him everything I had and it still wasn't enough for him. I have nothing left to give him, I can't keep trying. I'm too tired."

Leah said nothing, but instead wrapped her arms around Kim and began rocking her and soothing her. After a moment, she said, "I want you to know that no one has judged you for your actions. We all love you Kim, and whether you're with Jared or not, you're one of us. You're family and we would all die to protect you. Never forget that."

~.~

When she drove herself home the next morning, she wasn't surprised to find Jared on her front porch. He stood as she approached, his hand extended to her, she stared at it, before walking past him. "I suppose you want to talk, don't you?" Her face was free of any emotion, as she pushed open her door, she turned to him. "Come in then."

"Kim, baby, you know that I love you." He began, his eyes searching hers. "I never think things through until after they're done. I still can't get your face out of my mind when you walked in on me. I'm sorry baby. I know I keep telling you this all the time and I know I keep fucking up, but I swear that I do love you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, you're the only person in this world that understands me, and I know I don't deserve you. I've hurt you more times than I count and by some miracle you've stuck around. I'm a selfish bastard Kim. I know that, I know that the best thing that I could do is let you go so that you could be with someone who could treat you like the queen you are, but I love you and I'm too greedy to do that. I'm sorry baby. I really am."

Perhaps any other time, his words would have touched her, would have made her reconsider, but she was tired. "Jared, do you know what yesterday was?" She watched his face as he frantically tried to connect the importance of yesterday's date with the matter at hand. She knew he had forgotten and it broke her heart that he still didn't know. "It was our two year anniversary," she finally said.

Jared's face fell and his eyes cast downwards. "Fuck," he said, as he ran his fingers through his hair. His face looked pained. "Fuck, Kim I'm-"

"Sorry? You're sorry? I've heard the same phrase over and over again. You wanna know what I'm sorry for?" She began, her tone angry and her eyes shining with unshed tears. "I'm sorry I fell in love with you. I'm sorry I constantly kept buying into your lies. I'm sorry that I never listened to everyone around me when they told me to leave. I'm sorry that I was never enough for you. I'm sorry that you were so unhappy with me that you had to go find happiness somewhere else."

He stepped forward and place one of his hands at her waist, while the other cupped her face, forcing her to look at him. "Never say that," he said, his eyes growing dark. "I may be a bastard, but it was never anything to do with you. If anything you were too good for me. I knew the moment I met you that you were too good for me. I knew I was unworthy of your love and I swore to myself that I would do my best to be good enough for _you_. Never doubt yourself Kim. You are more than enough. It was me that fucked this whole thing up."

She took a small step back. "I'm done," she whispered as a tear ran down her face. "I'm tired Jared. My heart can't handle another round of this game. I've given you everything I had, I have nothing left to give you."

"Kim, please don't," Jared moved towards her, but she held her hand up and shook her head. Defeated, Jared hung his head and fell to his knees "Baby, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love you and I know that you're the only person's that's ever going to love me the way you do. I don't care what I have to do in order to get you back."

She shook her head. "You don't know how long I've waited for something like this. In my dreams you used to beg for me like this, you used to tell me that I was all you needed. Your words don't mean anything to me anymore Jared, I don't believe you. I'm really done with whatever this is. I want you to leave."

She moved towards the door and held it open, desperately trying to hold back the tears that threatened to break free. Jared got up, walked to the doorway, stopping only to look at her one last time before making his way out of her house, and out of her life.

The moment the door closed, she fell against it, heavy sobs wracking her body as she cried for the loss of a love that could have been so beautiful and so powerful, but ended with a broken heart and a bitter taste of love.

* * *

 **A/N: I struggled to find the perfect ending for this story, but I hit a wall, and I'm still not satisfied with this ending, but I've been holding this story in my docs for about three months now, and I figured that I should post it before I decide to discard it completely. Lemme know what you think in a review!**


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